


A Thing Called Love

by ombre_des_dieux



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-05-06 13:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5419238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ombre_des_dieux/pseuds/ombre_des_dieux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonardo couldn't pursue her when her face was so set toward another, but when the ending comes- will he have the strength to save her by admiting how he truly feels?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Thing Called Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is a (hopefully) romantic one-shot that came to me as I was listening to a song by Above and Beyond. If you're interested in the inspiration, check out "A thing called love" (acoustic). I'll try to put a link, but it may get stripped. Go to youtube and add this: 
> 
> watch?v=HcIzwSYtujo
> 
> Without further ado, I give you- A Thing Called Love
> 
> ~Shadow

 

He turned and walked away. Silent, except for his dark red mask which snapped sharply in the icy wind of the rooftop. In seconds, he reached the edge of the building and dropped out of sight.

He never looked back.

The moment he disappeared, she raised her head and howled; voicing her pain to the uncaring sky. She lost everything with his dismissal.

Not just a companion, for she saw that end approaching. Raphael needed someone stronger. Someone to challenge him. Someone worthy. She was not enough to hold his attention. It hurt, but she could survive.

The real agony was losing the rest. The ones she came to regard as family: her brothers; her father; and the heart she truly desired. Because Raphael asked her not to return. A clean break, he said. And she could not ignore his request, so rarely were they made.

_Their lives will go on without me._

His words effectively sealed her fate, for she had no one else. No other relations. No past and... no future. Black despair crushed her soul.

_I brought this on myself._

Tears laced her cheeks and blurred her vision. Wind slashed her hair across her face. The thin strands stung, a thousand tiny whips drawing their penance. She felt faint, dizzy. The world spun too fast. Her knees buckled and she moaned as the gravel of the rooftop dug deep into her bones. The only thing left was her life.

_It's not enough._

Time stretched before her, infinite and empty. Even if she somehow struggled on, she would always be a liability for her one-time clan.

_The Foot will take me, or some other dark fiend._

And though she would never betray them, they would feel obligated to intervene. Putting their precious lives at risk for one she no longer valued.

_Unacceptable._

It was only a few steps to the ledge. A short rush of air and it would all be over. She rose to her feet, hands clenched at her sides.

One step. Two.

Her goal was clear. The end in sight, if she bothered to open her eyes. This was easy, for she'd already made the worst mistake of her life.

There was a time she had a choice. A chance at true happiness. Yet she let fear force her hand. Doubt haunted her. She was sure to fall short of his high standards. Fail to meet his needs. Instead of risking it, she scorned him. Pursuing something 'safer.' If one could ever put Raphael in such a category.

_I was a coward._

He honored her decision and let her go. Over time, his beautiful eyes, once so welcoming, turned away from her; along with his heart. Now there was no going back. No chance to repair the damage she'd done.

She fixed his steady gaze in her mind, remembering his face that fateful night. The night she'd run from him. Calm, certain of his own emotions. Eyes clear and deep. Layered with intense desire.

_I wish I could see them that way again... But I never will. They are ninja. Invisible but to a chosen few. And I have proven unworthy._

A third step. A fourth.

Nothing but emptiness lay in front of her, a yawning void which matched the desolation she felt inside. One more stride was all it would take.

She raised her foot.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around her, lifted her up, and jerked her away from the edge. They held her fast; shaking, desperate. She wriggled violently, but couldn't escape.

She could have sworn she was alone. Raph would have made sure. He didn't want anyone to witness what he was going to do.

_Have our enemies found me already?_

She was plunked hard on her feet and spun around as two large hands fastened on her biceps with a grip like iron. She couldn't shift, though she tried. Even the moves Raph once taught her didn't shake this hold. Cracking swollen eyes, she blinked rapidly when her tears refused to cease their endless fall.

Her vision became reality.

 _His_  face was inches away, but the expression differed dramatically from the one in her mind. Eyes of steely blue-grey glared back into her own, full of fear and fogged with a pain he didn't try to conceal.

Stunned, she could do nothing but stare. A moment ago, her soul languished; parched and deserted. Now it drowned in his tormented gaze.

"What are you doing here?" she managed to choke out, breathless and distraught.

Leonardo ignored the question.

"Whatever Raph said," he began with a soft shake of her shoulders, "it isn't worth this."

_If only he knew..._

Leo studied her face. She couldn't tell what he was searching for, but he uttered a strangled little sound as he scooped an arm under her legs and drew her close. He knelt, knees collapsing as if unable to hold him, tucking her head under his chin.

Rocking back and forth, he clutched her to his chest. His breath hitched and broke at odd intervals in what could only be described as heart wrenching sobs. She pulled back and he loosened his grasp, but refused to release her entirely. His face shone wetly in the dim light and his expression was twisted, tortured.

This raw emotion shocked her.

"Hey," she said lightly, not able to bear his pain as well as her own. She reached out to wipe his tears with her thumb, cupping his cheek in her palm. He shivered beneath her touch as if she tasered him. "I only got dumped. Save these for something important."

Her words jolted him out of his tears and she lowered her hand.

His mouth dropped open, his eyes widened, and again he tightened his grip. He was going to leave marks on her biceps and thighs... if she lived through the night.

"How can you say that?"

For a long time he stared, dumbfounded. Finally, he shook his head, closed his eyes and drew in a number of deep, even breaths. It took several minutes for him to collect his thoughts, but she was content to lie in his arms as long as he would have her.

The ledge wasn't going anywhere.

Eventually, he re-assumed his usual smooth expression, the one she found most frustrating to read. But his eyes were still doing emotional acrobatics. They softened as he gazed down into her face again, slightly loosening his death grip.

"I admit," he said, "I guessed that was the case. And I cannot reverse Raph's personal decision, though I think him an absolute fool. But he could have chosen a better time and place."

His eyes flicked away and swept the desolate rooftop. There was nothing to see. No railing, no garden. The windows of the surrounding skyscrapers were black.

There was only a heartbroken girl and the darkness of midnight. Raphael truly had left her bereft and alone.

"What the hell did he think would happen?" Leonardo growled under his breath.

She closed her eyes, cheeks heating. Raph knew she wasn't going to take the news well, but he hadn't selected this location to injure her. He'd only been trying to grant her privacy. He cared, but they'd never been close enough for him to anticipate her reactions. It was one of the reasons she knew they wouldn't work long term.

Leonardo, on the other hand, always seemed to see right through her. She peeked between her lashes as his intense stare return to her face and her whole body tingled, tensing.

"Dear one," he said, softening his tone. "there is always hope. Perhaps one day Raph will change his mind. If you..." he paused to swallow hard, "remove yourself, what chance will he have?"

She didn't answer right away and his expression tightened as he waited, but he let her take her time.

"Raph and I will never work," she mumbled, dropping her chin to her chest.

Leo shook his head and tilted her face back up with two fingers.

"Please," he begged, still meeting her eyes. "At least give him a little time to consider what his decision means. I will talk to him if you wish. Just come home with me."

"I can't."

Anguish overwhelmed her and tears escaped again.

"Fine. Your apartment then. Or April's? I'll take you wherever you want to go."

The desperation was returning to his voice.

"Leo, why are you here?" she asked.

This building wasn't on any of their normal patrol routes. In fact, there was not one scheduled for tonight, which was why Raph chose it. Leonardo should have been in deep meditation by now, or finishing up the evening briefing.

Despite practically living in the lair, she couldn't know for sure, since she hardly saw him anymore. This was the longest conversation they'd had in months that wasn't about the weather, or some other inconsequential. He turned his face away.

"I swore I'd catch you."

His reply was so soft, she wasn't sure she'd heard him right. Then her eyebrows shot up and her eyes went wide as she remembered.

_"I may not be able to keep you from falling," he had said, "but I'll always be there to catch you."_

His expression remained carefully blank, but the gleam in his eyes said he wasn't referring to the physical kind of plummeting. That cryptic statement was the only remark he ever made about the growing attachment he saw between her and his brother.

Leonardo watched, waiting anxiously as the memory blossomed in her eyes. She thought he had removed himself from her life, but now she saw he was always there. Silently observing from the sidelines as her romance with Raphael unfolded, then unraveled.

"But why would you want to, after what I did?" she asked.

He shrugged, the movement dislodging the bright blue bandana tails from where they had settled on his shoulders. His eyes, however, never left hers. For a split second, a spark of passion flared there. The same desire she had rejected so long ago.

Her breath caught. Was it possible he would offer her another chance to make the right decision? But the light was smothered as quickly as it had come, pain taking its place.

"I'm taking you back," he declared. "Raph doesn't always think things through and... he needs to know how deeply you feel."

Disappointment shot through her like an arrow. Leonardo had obviously gotten over his earlier infatuation. She'd missed her chance. She struggled weakly in his grasp. Raphael made his feelings clear and she did not wish to see the red-banded ninja again tonight. Even if he hadn't all but forbade her to return to their home.

Leonardo did not let her down. As he rose to his feet, she fought harder. He threw her over his shoulder and she pounded on his shell with her fists, but he ignored her. Finally, she resorted to words, always the best weapon with the intelligent leader.

"I don't want Raph back," she cried. The ring of truth in her voice made him still. "And I promised never to come back to the lair."

"What?"

He set her on her feet but held on to one wrist as he addressed her, afraid she would fling herself over the nearest edge if he let go.

"Why?"

"There's nothing left of us," she said. "He wanted a clean break. No reminders. He's exiled me from the Hamato clan."

"He can't do that," Leo protested, horrified at the thought. His eyes hardened, anger creeping in. "Raphael does not speak for the family. Father will rescind the request, and if he does not, I will  _make_  Raph reconsider."

"Don't," she whispered, and the tears began again. "I don't want to cause strife. It doesn't matter." She eyed the distance to the edge. It was farther now, and didn't seem nearly as inviting as before, but nothing had changed. "I don't matter."

"You matter to me," he said. When she didn't look up, he knelt in front of her. "You've always mattered."

She shook her head.

His sharp eyes hadn't missed her quick glance at the ledge. He took her hand in both of his, one thumb caressing her palm. She began to tremble as the sensation sent small jolts of current through her system. Each one jumpstarting the heart she tried to silence.

_Why is he doing this? Can't he see it's better if I quietly exit their lives?_

"Why?" She whispered. "If I matter, why did you let me go to him in the first place?"

He frowned.

"I wasn't going to fight your choice. I wanted you to be happy. Besides, he's my brother. How could I begrudge him something we all yearn for?"

"And now?" She asked.

Anger stirred, rushing to the forefront of his gaze like a tsunami racing for the shore.

"Now we are going to have words."

"I wish you wouldn't," she moaned covering her face with a hand.

"He hurt you," Leonardo said, and the furrow between his brows deepened.

"Kind of hard not to when you're breaking up with someone," she said. Trying to lighten his mood.

"That pain, as hard as I knew it would be to watch, was allowable. But not…" His voice trailed off as he looked away to the edge. The ledge she had been dangerously close to throwing herself over. "He can't take the rest of us from you. We want you around. Think of the others. Think of poor Mikey and Don. They'll be crushed."

_I was thinking of them. I'm trying to spare us all pain._

"What do you want from me, Leo?" She asked through clenched teeth.

"I want you to stay," his voice was deep, and his gaze so intense she couldn't look away. "Stay  _alive_  for a second more. Just one minute, then another. An hour. Two. Let it become days. Weeks. Months. Years. Stay until you can't imagine ever leaving."

"But why?" Her cry was anguished. "There's nothing left! Why should I stay?"

He dropped all his masks. His face, lifted to hers, was full of tortured desire. She couldn't breathe. The spark hidden in his gorgeous eyes reappeared, fanned into a roaring flame. Time held its breath and her heart stopped its frantic race.

"Stay for me," he whispered. "Stay for love."

Darkness overcame her and she slumped to the ground.

She awoke cradled in his lap. His mouth covered hers and his sweet breath filled her lungs. With a soft cry, he broke off when he felt her tense under his hands. Her eyes fluttered open and her arms wound around his neck of their own accord. She blinked rapidly and gazed blankly around, befuddled. Leonardo freed a hand to cradle her cheek in his palm, tilting her face back to his.

"You with me, love?" he asked. "You scared me. You have to remember to breathe."

"Oh," she said as color rose in her cheeks. "It's just... I thought you said-"

"I love you," he interrupted. "Then and now, always and forever."

Her breath caught as he moved in closer still. Their lips met, she closed her eyes and melted into his embrace. The kiss deepened and his mouth opened, tongue darting through to taste her hungrily. She didn't break it until dizziness overwhelmed her again.

Leonardo rested his forehead against hers lightly, holding her close.

"Will you stay, love?" he asked. "If Raphael is no longer your desire, will you be mine?"

His breath caught as he heard her whisper.

"Always and forever."


	2. Follow Me Home

**Follow me home**

Vanessa shuddered as Leonardo rose and placed her gently on her feet. The air had grown damp and chill during her midnight crisis. In fact, she realized with a feeling of disorientation, she didn't know what time it was anymore. When she gathered the courage to glance over the ledge one final time, halos of light and mist were forming around the street lamps stories below.

Leo noticed her forlorn look and wrapped his arms around her from behind. His plastron pressed tight to her back as he bent to rest his chin on her shoulder, following her gaze.

"What are you thinking?"

His voice was tender, worried.

She wasn't sure how to answer that question. When Raphael asked such things, they were usually rhetorical and sarcastically judgemental. But Leo was not his brother. He valued words and did not use them unnecessarily. If he was asking, he genuinely wanted to know.

Not that she had deep thoughts worth sharing. She flushed a little, still stunned by his revelation and the evening's turn of events.

"I-I was just admiring the light… and the shadows."

Light and shadow. That described the situation perfectly. Raphael burned brightly. Demanded her attention and affection. Needed her to feed the flames until she had no more to offer. She had burned out, scorched by his heat. As cinders, she was no use to him. He didn't even want her around.

Leonardo was the cooling darkness of the shadows. A part of the light, yet apart from it. The beautiful halo formed by the joining of the two. Only visible when conditions were perfect.

She turned in his arms to look into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Leo."

She couldn't explain all of the other thoughts churning in her head. None of them would be still long enough for her to grasp them.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Leo."

There were so many emotions tied up in that phrase he didn't know where to begin decoding them. Her eyes were full of shadowy thoughts that made him tighten his grasp ever so slightly.

He couldn't tell if any of them were fatal.

Despite the revelation of his own feelings, she was still trying to deal with the pain of rejection. Raphael had torn her world down tonight and left her standing in the rubble, whether he meant to or not.

A convertible pulled up out front, parking on the street in front of the building. A couple were kissing in the front seat, the top down despite the drizzle.

The soft piano from their stereo drifted up and instinctively he started to sway. Nessa laid her head over his heart as he began to hum along.

_Say you have a little faith in me,_  
_Just close your eyes and let me lead._  
_Follow me home_

_Need to have a little trust in me,_  
_Just close your eyes and let me lead_  
_Follow me home, to where the lonely ones roam_

Leonardo understood loneliness. His brothers had each other, April, Casey and a handful of trusted others. And even though he knew in his bones they always had his back as well, he couldn't totally relax around them.

He had to be the leader, shoulder the responsibility of keeping the family together and… safe. Not just physically, but emotionally. They came to him when they needed help. He had to remain strong.

It was necessary for their survival and he hadn't regretted or resented it. Until Vanessa came along.

Leonardo turned their sway gracefully into a gliding dance as the next verse began, their feet moving in perfect rhythm over the rooftop. It felt right to hold her this close. To feel her match his movements as they paced away from the danger of the edge.

_Won't you come out, I've been waiting for you_  
_Holding my breath, til my body turned blue_  
_We've got everything to lose, Yeah I'm waiting on you_

Nessa was beautiful, intelligent, curious, and unafraid. She exploded like a meteor into his life and changed everything. He'd lost himself to her easily.

It was the most natural thing in the world. They fit. They meshed in every way that mattered. He thought she felt the same.

_Sun's come up, and there's no one else around_  
 _Meet me in the shadows, Won't you tell me what you found_  
 _You've got everything to lose, yeah I'm waiting on y_ ou

She and Raph were complete opposites. Brash to shy, loud to quiet, spontaneous to strategic. He never would have imagined them together. But they say opposites attract.

The day Leonardo realized he wasn't alone in his affections for the gorgeous girl had been one of the darkest in his life. Yet how could he impede his brother's happiness? Especially when she made the choice?

_Say you have a little faith in me_  
_Just close your eyes and let me lead_  
_Follow me home_

_Need to have a little trust in me_  
_Just close your eyes and let me lead_  
_Follow me home, to where the lonely ones roam_

He trusted Nessa knew what she needed. Though it practically destroyed him, he didn't protest when she ran to Raph's side. Instead, he watched over her, hiding the pain, as their relationship developed.

She was good for Raph. He learned patience. More of his innate kindness came through. But it was a wearying battle for Nessa. Leo could see her wilting day by day.

He worried about this constant wearing down. Worry became concern. Concern became anger. He and Raph had confrontations they kept carefully out of her sight. Leo demanded in no uncertain terms that Raphael shape up where she was concerned. The way he was acting, he was going to lose her. Or worse yet, drive her from their lives.

_Roam with me_  
_Come down to where all of the others fell_  
_Get lost in the dark to find yourself_

Raphael was not the partner Nessa needed. He never was. Tonight he almost killed her. That wasn't something Leo could easily forgive. She shivered again in his arms and he leaned down to kiss her hair, drawing her closer yet.

_Just remember what I said_  
No _it isn't over yet_

It wasn't over. He wouldn't let it be. Their chapter was just beginning. He would cherish her the way Raphael could not. Nourish her spirit. Bring her back to life. He had the strength and the will to see it through. When he said forever, he meant it.

_Say you have a little faith in me_  
_Just close your eyes and let me lead_  
_Follow me home_

_Need to have a little trust in me_  
_Just close your eyes and let me lead_  
_Follow me home_

_To where the lonely ones roam_

As the haunting melody ended, Nessa turned her face up to his.

"Leonardo, please... Would you take me home?"

* * *

She was asleep, exhausted from the strain when he returned to the lair with her in his arms. Leonardo was glad of it. Home, a place he usually felt a reasonable measure of peace, tonight conjured nothing but anger.

Three pairs of eyes looked up from the late-night TV movie marathon to watch him enter, two startled and one terribly dismayed. Without a word, Leo jerked his head to Donatello and stalked noiselessly down the hall, bypassing the room Nessa had been using in favor of his own. He eased the door open and laid her out gently on his bed before clearing the way for Don to check her out.

The genius assessed her silently, then cautiously pulled down the covers, removed her shoes, and tucked her in. He drew Leo to the hall and started to close the door, but Leo flattened his palm on the surface, keeping it open so the hall light fell in on her sleeping face. He positioned himself so she was still in his line of sight as he faced Donatello.

"Leo?" Don asked, worry in his tone, "What's going on? What happened?"

"Is she ok?" Leonardo asked, ignoring the questions.

"She seems to be, but I don't know what I'm looking for. Her vitals are good and there's no obvious sign of trauma or injury, though it looks like she's been upset. Her eyes are swollen."

The blue-clad ninja nodded, his eyes cold.

"She had reason. Raphael broke up with her."

"Ah," Don said tactfully. "Well that explains why he came back alone."

"He also," Leo continued in a soft but deadly tone, "told her not to come back to the lair."

"What?"

Don's shocked expression might have been comical under other circumstances. Leo had never seen his brother look so bewildered.

"You mean he asked her to give him some space?"

"No, he told her not to come back. Ever."

"He can't have," Don said faintly. "Are you sure you didn't misunderstand somehow?"

Leonardo turned on him with a vicious glare so filled with rage the genius took a step back, but not before he noted signs his brother had been weeping himself.

"Nessa was less than a step away from a multi-story drop with a sudden stop on 37th street. So, NO. I don't think I misunderstood," he growled through clenched teeth. "Another half second and I couldn't have caught her."

His voice broke and he covered his eyes with one hand as the image of his love poised on the edge of that building flashed through his mind. Face white and twisted with agony, dark hair whipping her skin.

He shuddered and leaned against the door frame as Donnie gently gripped his arm.

"She's suicidal?" Don asked.

Leo dropped his hand and didn't even try to hide his fear.

"I looked into her eyes and she, she just wasn't there anymore. They were flat, like the eyes of dead things. She struggled to get away from me. She wanted to throw herself off that ledge."

"What are you going do?" Donatello asked worriedly, as Leo glared toward the living area, murder in his gaze.

"I'm going to take care of her," he said flatly, turning to enter the bedroom.

"What about Raph?" Don called after him. "Shouldn't he know?"

Leo paused and threw a strange look over his shoulder. A mix of rage, sadness, and love. One Donatello was utterly unsure how to interpret.

"Raphael," the leader said distinctly, "can go to hell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song they are dancing to is "Where the lonely ones roam" - by Digital Daggers. All versions of the song are good, but I love the piano version. I'd put a link, but they frown on that so you'll just have to look it up yourself or find it on my facebook page!


	3. Careless Whispers

"What the hell is going on?" Raphael demanded as Donatello returned to the living room. Michelangelo retreated to the kitchen for more snacks, but he was listening, head tilted curiously toward them as he rummaged through the cupboards.

"You imbecile"—Don's breath hissed through his teeth—"You moron! You- you egotistical maniac! How could you do that to her? What were you thinking?"

"Hold it, brainiac," Raph said, lifting a hand palm out. "I only did what Fearless has been demandin' for weeks. I cut the girl loose. Ya' can't be pissed at me for doing what he practically ordered."

"You broke up with Nessie?"—Mikey popped back in, a bowl of chips in hand—"Tonight? Why didn't you say something? I would've gone with."

"I'm fine. An' we didn't exactly want an audience."

"I wouldn't have been there for you! The Ness-monster probably needed some cheering up."

The glower on Raph's face wavered for a split second, but his expression hardened as Michelangelo opened his mouth again.

"Bunch of busybodies," Raph snarled, cutting him off. "Leo couldn't leave well enough alone either. Why'd he bring her back?"

Michelangelo blinked at him blankly. "Why wouldn't he?"

"She weren't happy afterward. It's gonna traumatize her all over again, wakin' up here."

"Waking up here?" Donatello exploded, aghast. "You complete idiot! If he hadn't been there—"

"What did you do?" Mikey interrupted.

"He left her alone on a rooftop," Donatello said.

"I tried to let her down easy, Mike"— Raphael shot the genius a glare—"An' I didn't leave her alone. I took her to her friend's place. Ya know, the building over on 37th. Figured Ness could cry on her shoulder."

"She moved out of state. Her mother died and she went to California a month ago," Don said, distracted from his rant.

"Something you would know if you ever actually listened to your so-called girlfriend," Michelangelo added. "Nessie's been so sad since it happened."

A pained look crossed Raphael's face but he hid it behind a frown. He pushed off the couch and stalked past Donatello towards Vanessa's room.

"I thought we had this settled, now I gotta deal with it twice."

He rapped on her door with a knuckle and rolled his eyes when she didn't answer.

"Ness," he called out. "It's me. Open up."

He huffed in frustration and tried the knob. It clicked and he let go, stepping back in surprise as the light fell on an empty bed. He glared up and down the hall, then stomped back to the living room in confusion.

"Where is she?"

Donatello scrutinized him warily. "Leave it alone, Raph."

"You're the one who came in here lecturin' me. Where is she?"

"You deserved every word after what you did."

Michelangelo waved a hand. "Hello? Remember me? Still waitin' on an answer. What _did_ you do to my BFF?"

Raphael ignored Mike's game of twenty questions, focusing his anger on Donnie's intense stare.

"Where is she, Don? Don't make me drag this outta ya."

Donatello sighed and glanced away. "Leo's room."

The hot-head's eyes widened, then narrowed. His frown turned into grimly gritted teeth. He spun on his heel and stalked down the corridor. Raising a fist, he pounded on the next to last door. It snapped open before he connected twice.

"Haven't you done enough damage?" Leonardo asked in a restrained growl.

"Ya couldn't leave her alone, could ya? Not for one night. She ain't a toy ta be passed around ya know. Ya gotta let her breathe."

Raph didn't realize it was possible for his brother's expression to get any angrier, but Leo's face solidified—hardening into a blankness beyond fury. It might have made him pause if he wasn't so riled himself.

"You want to be very careful what you say next, Raphael."

"Why? You afraid she'll hear the truth? You would've said anything to get her to come back."

"You're right," Leo snapped. "I lied through my teeth to get her off that roof"—his voice deepened into a rough menacing whisper—"I told her you still cared about her. That one day you might change your mind and beg her to come back—"

Raph snorted in contempt. "Outta the way, Fearless. Ya got no clue what's goin' on. Let me talk ta her."

Leo surged into the hall, snagged the front of Raph's plastron in both fists and lifted, smashing his shell on the opposite wall. Mikey and Don came running at the crash but slid to a stop at the sight of their brother holding Raphael against the cinder blocks high enough his feet dangled off the floor.

"You stay away from her!" Leonardo growled. "You don't deserve to look at her. You lost, no, you _threw away_ that privilege when you left her on the roof to die!"

For one brief moment, Raph's eyes flared with rage, then what Leo said registered and he froze, a horrified expression on his face.

"Ta die? What are you talkin' about?"

Leo slammed him into the wall again, hard enough to make his teeth rattle.

"Shut up and listen for once! Because of you—she tried to end... everything."

By the last word, all the strength faded from his voice and his muscles. Leo slumped, unable to face the idea of her attempted suicide again. He almost hadn't survived the first time. He dropped Raph to the floor.

"Nessie's dead?" Michelangelo's voice ramped up through three octaves, panicked as he worked out what they were saying. He ran down the hall and slapped hysterically at Raph.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Donatello cut him off by the simple expedient of throwing his arms around his younger brother in a massive bear hug and lifting him off his feet. He dragged the struggling turtle away a few paces.

"Calm down!" Don bellowed, "She's okay, just sleeping!"

Raphael collapsed to his knees, face contorted in pain and shock. "Leo, I didn't mean—"

"What did you think would happen?"—Exhaustion and worry thickened Leonardo's voice as he turned away—"You took her to a deserted rooftop and destroyed her life."

"I knew she was upset, but I didn't think she cared that much."

Leonardo laughed, near hysteria himself, and buried his eyes in his palms. He scrubbed his hands down his face and chin, then snorted.

"You never think."

Raphael gritted his teeth. "I don't get it. What the hell happened?"

Anger ignited again in Leo's eyes pushing out the helplessness. He waved an arm.

"You didn't simply break up with her you cut her off! We are her only family and you made her feel like an outcast, unwanted and worthless.

"She screamed. Did you even hear? She closed her eyes and walked right up to the ledge. She didn't even take a last look before she stepped off."

"But you caught her, right?" Mikey asked in a hushed voice.

Leo nodded. He couldn't bear to recount how she fought against him, repeatedly reaching for oblivion.

"That's why you told her I might change my mind," Raphael said softly.

"I tried, Raph. I've hid my feelings from her for the past year. Let her think I got over her and didn't care anymore," Leo muttered, "but she wouldn't listen, even when I said I'd make you understand. She promised you she wouldn't come back and she'd rather die than break her word."

He lowered his gaze to meet his brother's. His eyes were glazed, lost. "I begged her—on my knees—to come home. To stay. She wouldn't. Not until I broke. When I confessed, she consented to come back. For me… I should have told her the truth in the beginning."

Raphael sighed. "I didn't mean for this ta happen. I _wanted_ her ta see she was too good for me. I spent weeks trying ta get her ta make the break. I pushed her away every chance I got, but she's too loyal. She chose me, an' though I was lettin' her down every step of the way, she stayed, 'cause she made a promise."

His fists clenched.

"She wouldn't end it for herself, so I told her it was about me—that she was cramping my style. An' I left as quick as I could 'cause her face crumpled in on itself so bad I would've said anything to make her stop hurting..."

"That doesn't justify destroying her relationships with the rest of us," Don said.

"Why, bro? Why'd you make Nessie promise to stay away?" Mikey whined.

Raphael shrugged.

"Thought Leo'd have a better chance if he started over with her fresh—outside the lair. It ain't gonna be easy for her being down here when I'm around, an' there ain't nowhere for me ta go. 'Sides, she's human. She needs the outside world, even if she don't believe it."

"Let me get this straight. You deliberately destroyed her, yet you care?" Don asked, shocked.

"'Course I care!" Raph grumbled. "Ness is the only girl who ever looked twice at any of us. You think I don't realize how absolutely incredible that is? That after a year of watchin' her puttin' up with my crap and still stickin' by me, I don't worship the ground she walks on?

"I ain't stupid, Don. Ness is gorgeous. She's smart. She's funny. And she's goddamn loyal. There ain't another woman like her on Earth."

"If you love her so much, why break up at all?" Mikey asked.

Raph flinched at the 'L' word, but answered him anyway.

"Cause it don't matter how I feel. Her heart's achin' for someone else an' it's killin' her tryin' ta stay with me."

"You ever thought of talking about it with her?" Don asked.

"This shit ain't easy! I've been sick for weeks workin' it out." Raph drew in a deep breath and quieted. "She gonna be ok? I mean, I'll tell her everything if it helps."

"She's fragile," Donnie said. "We'll have to watch over her for a while."

Raph nodded, but Leonardo's face hardened. "No, you don't. I won't be letting her out of my sight."

"I didn't want to hurt her," Raph protested.

"Save it," Leo said with an icy glare.

* * *

Vanessa stirred, roused by the sound of voices nearby. They were trying to be quiet, but...

_For a bunch of ninjas, they fail miserably at silence when at home._

She smiled briefly at the thought. The lair was the only place they let down their guard.

With a bit of concentration, she identified them. Leo stood right outside the door, or possibly just inside, she couldn't quite tell. Raph's low rumble, vibrating in the hall, was impossible to mistake.

_"Ya couldn't leave her alone, could ya? Not for one night. She ain't a toy ta be passed around ya know. Ya gotta let her breathe."_

Her heart ached. Raphael sounded hurt under his customary anger and she cringed. Yes, he had broken up with her, but she had returned home in the arms of his brother. How bad must she seem to him right now?

Still, he was defending her honor, as if Leo were somehow using the situation to his advantage. She didn't hear Leonardo's response, but Raph raised his voice.

_"Why? You afraid she'll hear the truth? You would've said anything to get her to come back."_

Vanessa's eyes shot open. They weren't in the room and the door was pulled partially closed, obscuring Leo's figure and muffling the ongoing argument in the hall.

_Leonardo willfully misled me?_

Of course, he was a master in all the arts of ninjutsu. Taijutsu, weapons work, stealth, and... deception. He could lie easily with words and manner, but he didn't often. At any other time, she would not doubt his veracity, but today had... extenuating circumstances.

Perhaps he had only told her what he knew she wanted to hear.

_"You're right, I lied through my teeth to get her off that roof."_

Vanessa stifled a gasp, utterly crushed by the venom in his voice. Her hands moved from her mouth to clamp tightly over her ears. She couldn't stand anymore.

Leonardo's odd behavior this evening—his visible emotions, the sudden confession—abruptly made sense. It was an act. Obviously, he cared enough to stop her from committing suicide. It didn't mean he loved her.

At least, not the way she wanted him too.

He could read her like a book. It probably took him all of two seconds to figure out how she felt. After all, she fainted when he asked her to stay. As a strategist, Leo exploited every weakness to his advantage. He had to. Their family was precious. Unique. He was clan leader, protecting them with tireless dedication. He would do anything to spare them pain.

_Even kiss me and lie to my face._

Vanessa swallowed the whimper that would alert him to her conscious state as her gaze darted frantically around, seeking a way out. There was only one door and she didn't recognize her surroundings. They were in the lair, but this wasn't her room.

_It must be his._

Another time, she would have stared, searching for hidden facets of his personality within his possessions. Now she only sought an escape route, devastated.

This room was entirely different than Raph's, orderly—with everything in it's place. But in one important facet, they were the same. A small air grate hung over his desk. An opening into the cement dropped ceiling.

Vanessa had no inkling of its original purpose, but Mikey once confided the gap ran above the whole lair. When they were younger, he used to sneak through there to prank his siblings. That ended when they grew too big to fit and the passageway went unused, forgotten.

She slipped out of bed. Her exit was only a few steps away and her socked feet made no noise.

_I can't face him. Not after I told him I love him._

The best she could hope for was a silent escape.

Balancing on the polished wood of his chair, she climbed on the desk and reached up to the vent. A loud thud and raised voices from the hall covered the sound as Vanessa yanked the grate down. It opened sideways on a hinge type system and she prayed whatever was happening would keep them occupied for a few more minutes.

Tears dripped silently down her cheeks as she pulled herself into the cramped space. The hole was a tight fit, but she squeezed through successfully and shut the grille quietly behind her.

Crawling as quickly as she could through the dirt and cobwebs, she put as much distance as possible between herself and the lair. She turned down randomly branching passageways until the tight tunnel opened out into a room large enough for her to stand. A huge fan pulsed slowly at the other end.

Vanessa collapsed into a corner and gave in to the darkness.

As she sank towards unconsciousness, the loud vibrations and pressurized air throbbed against her eardrums, drowning out her sobs—and the cry of despair echoing in the tunnels behind her.


End file.
